4 Happy Family The personal blog of Kevin R. Hoffmann

I get it

Enough with the E-mails on not posting a new pictures of Maya. Our camera is broken, but this one comes courtesy of our friend Sara taken in Pella, Iowa during our first-ever Tulip Time celebration. It was Dutch-tastic!

(And yes, that is me wearing the white running socks with the brown shoes in the background. She can pick out clothes for me, but it doesn't mean I will remember to pack them) 

Everybody Wang Chung tonight

I have been trying to go the gym lately, running is getting pretty boring and I have been using the other machines. I get up a little before 5 and half-awake, I drive about 3 miles to the gym.This has happened to me before, but it was really bad the other day. One of the main motivatoes for me to go to the gym is that our downstairs tub was benig refinished so I had no excuse to keep me from going (the upstairs tub is next to Maya's room and the shower wakes her up half the time)

After working out I head to the locker room to shower. I have a Catholic-influenced thing about nudity, walking around it seems older guys kick it old school and walk around butt naked, pasty white butt naked. Cool, no problem let your freak flag fly; just keep line of sight to about a 33 degree (up) angle. I walk past them to my locker and get my shower accessories, de-clothe and wrap the hand towl around my waist that the gym tried to pass off as a full one.

I always like to go to the steam room and sit for five minutes to clean out the pores. It is two-tiered and I am sitting on the bottom step, towel modestly placed when this fat (terraces of blubber fat)  man comes in and stands right in front of me...and starts talking to me about some innane topic. Meanwhile his business is about 7 inches from my nose. I am not sure if it was the steam or his spatial reasoning was off or if he just has not seen that particular member of his family in a while to judge personal space, but I did not want to make any sudden movements. I was just staring at my feet muttering answers and laughing nervously. Mr. Wang then proceeds to crawl up to the second tier. No verb confusion, he put his knees on the bottom step hiked his sattelite of an ass into the air and grunted his way to the top. Yes, a train wreck in which I could not avert my eyes and No, I was not staring (maybe in disbelief).

The whole time he is ascending his conversation continues. He situated himself and then sat there spread-eagled and like a flag on a calm day.

Mr Wang: So how long have you been a member
K: (did he just say member?) Since it first opened
MW: Me too. Are you going to extend?
K: (Extend?) Don't know
MW: Have you ever been to a Turkish prison?

OK, OK, the last one is made up. I said some pleasantry and then headed to the shower to try and cleanse the image and event from my brain. About a hald gallon of eye bleach and a good loofaing I wrapped another wash-cloth towel around my waist and headed over to the locker. 

There are a few places where people should not talk to each other. Anything involving nakedness (unless you are negotiating a price -I kid, I kid), asking people why they are at a Drs. office and when you are in line for something bad.

Back at the locker I have this move, I get the boxers out drop the towel and in one swoop I pull them up. The T-shirt comes next and then I put on the work clothes. Since junior high I have been a boxer guy; just because well they fit my personality I guess. Every Xmas my mother-in-law buys me boxers. A couple of normal ones, but mostly the "novelty" boxers that glow in the dark, have a funny saying or in one instance had a monster face on the front where you were supposed to supply the nose. Rhinoplasty jokes at my expense aside, I don't mind wearing these, because hey, free boxers. (Also C likes the glow in the dark ones so she can find me in bed and kick me when I am snoring)

So I am doing my routine when a guy drops his towel at the locker next to me. Again 33 degree upward angle. I have seen this guy before; he is a regular Adonnius, the kind of guy that works out twice a day, wears a gold chain that is a little too thick and probably takes pleasure in "accidentally" running over a squirrel in his Hummer. Again, first impressions are a bitch and I am becoming more judgemental in my old age.

Adonnius is not a boxer guy. He pull up his banana hammocks and I pull up my boxers. Today they were covered in cartoon gold fish. He pull on his muscle shirt/wife beater and I pull on my blue novelty T-shirt that says "I (heart) hot Moms" Again, it was a gift and hey, free shirt. I could tell the guy was watching me and my attire out of the corner of his eye and making some snap judgements of his own. I was just waiting for him to ask me how much I could bench or if he was wondering if me and Mr. Wang were going to link arms and go out for quiche.

Typical day in the life kind of stuff for me.  

A lot going on

I will get an update about all the craziness that has been going on lately including selling the house, starting a new job, remodeling our house, ticks on the dog, adoption #2 paperwork and why my wife did not do much better with ordering mulch.

More importantly, yesterday was our one-year anniversary of the day we became a family with Maya. I have a lot to tell, I just hope I get time soon.